(this is for entertainment purposes only. Any relation to real people is purely coincidental. this my ode to Yia, one of the truest embodiments of OM)

The prosecution calls Ms. Yia Vang to the stand.

Prosecution: So, Mrs. Vang, is it true that you were encouraged to have sex with Mister Venture Capitalist on April 27, 2019?

Yia: Yes

Prosecution: I see. And this left you feeling victimized and used, correct?

Yia: No, I texted my bitch Rachel and said “line me up another nigga for lunch.”

Prosecution: Pardon me?

Yia: Soon as I made out with Mister Venture Capitalist, I got myself a cup of tea and texted my bitch Rachel and said “line me up another nigga for lunch.”

Prosecution: And then what happened

Yia: Rachel gave me the deets, I rolled up on his nerdy little ass made him see stars.

Prosecution: What do you mean, “Made him see stars?”

Yia: I mean we OM’ed a couple of times and then he expressed his desire without attachment to outcome.

Prosecution: “meaning what?”

Yia: He said he had a thing for Asian chicks and would really like to fuck.

Prosecution: “And this would be a violation of the container, correct?”

Yia: Nope. Once the nest is packed up, both parties are free to express their desire without attachment to outcome.

Prosecution: “I see. So you had forced sex for the 2nd time in the same day.”

Yia: “Forced? It could only be forced if you dont know anything about UNCONDITIONAL SEX.”

Prosecution: “Your honor, I would like to call a recess to discuss with my team”

Judge: permission granted

Prosecution: “guys, this is not working out. She’s not playing the victim role. We gotta come up with another game plan”

Prosecution 2: “dont worry about it. We have a couple more star witnesses. Just finish the interrogation”

(interrogation continues)

Prosecution: “So Ms Vang, after sex with those 2 men, what happened next?”

Yia: I made it back to work in time for a strategy session. I high-fived my bitch Rachel and showed her some pics of the beast-fest.

Prosecution: “Understood. So after a long day of forced sex and meetings, what did you do after work?”

Yia: It was dinner time. And dass the perfect time to eat out some bitches.

Prosecution: Ms. Vang this sexual behavior of yours is rather extraordinary and to be frank—

Yia: It’s called being a TURNED ON FEMALE. I’m turned on. Rachel’s TURNED ON. Nic’s TURNED ON. The only problem in this courtroom is yo muthafuckin’ ass: you are turned off. You’re a limp wet noodle with a frozen, closed down beast.

Prosecution: Ms Vang! That’s enough! You may step down.

Yia: thank you. You look kinda cute. Give me a call sometime.

(struts out of the courtroom in high heels and tight black skirt, staring down all the weak bitches).